Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
