I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
