To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
