was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize