How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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