I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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