oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
