I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
