You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
