dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
