I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
