people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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