bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
