dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
