five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
