I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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