He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
