This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
