Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
