11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
