I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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