I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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