Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We got so high we made milksteak
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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