We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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