Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
