Can Purell be used as lube?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
