Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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