you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
