I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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