I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
