i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
