Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
