It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
