she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
