Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
