yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
