I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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