the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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