y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
