its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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