i already hear my dad disowning me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
