Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
