I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
