I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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