it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
