i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
