I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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