I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
