just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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