i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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