Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need water and some morals
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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