So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
