in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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