It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
