Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am one with the molecules
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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