we have officially lost it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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