Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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