my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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