idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
