i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
