There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
