Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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