i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize