oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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