dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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