I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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