I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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