how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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