Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
