Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
