well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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