Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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