Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Shame - the story of my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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