Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
