He asked to "fluff my boner.."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
